


Aye, Aye, Sir

by ciaan



Category: Smallville
Genre: Animals, Crack, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-03
Updated: 2010-03-03
Packaged: 2017-10-07 16:43:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/67048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciaan/pseuds/ciaan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex gets a new friend. Originally written April 2006 after oxoniensis' Creature Crack Challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aye, Aye, Sir

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by kinetikatrue.

Clark and Chloe glanced up as Lana approached their table, a styrofoam coffee mug and napkin-wrapped muffin in her hands.

"Hey, Lana, taking a break?" Chloe smiled.

"No, actually, still working. Clark, could you deliver this to Lex for me? He just phoned in a take-out order."

Clark looked around, confused. "Um, where is he?"

"He's right outside on the sidewalk." Lana nodded toward the front door.

Chloe leaned over to glance out the large windows. "Why doesn't he just come inside?"

"I don't know. He said he couldn't. I'm swamped in here. There're a lot of customers, and Darla's home sick, and so can you please just take it out to him?" She blinked at Clark.

"Yeah, okay." Clark took the order from Lana and shook his head as she hurried back behind the counter. "You coming, Chloe?"

"Naw, it's cold out there. Just give me the scoop when you get back in."

Clark exited the Talon, the door clinking behind him. Lex stood on the sidewalk, his breath pluming in the air, one hand shoved into his coat pocket and the other holding up his cell phone, staring at the screen while pressing buttons rapidly.

There was also a small grey parrot perched on his left shoulder, nibbling at his collar. Clark stopped a few feet away from him, and Lex looked up.

He grinned. "Hey, Clark."

"Awk. Clark!" The parrot raucously repeated Lex's phrase.

"Hey, Lex. I brought your, uh, order. What's with the..." Clark trailed off, waving his hand vaguely toward Lex's torso.

Lex's grin widened. "I stopped by the pet store in Metropolis after my latest meeting. It was just such a drag, and everyone was being so contrary." He shrugged and held out his hand. Clark stared at it for a moment, and then, realizing what Lex wanted, handed over the coffee.

"Awk, so contrary!" The parrot flapped its wings slightly, fluffing its feathers. Lex took a sip of coffee, eyes closing briefly as he savored it.

"That parrot sure is noisy."

"Parrots are very social animals, and they do like to mimic human vocalizations. Some researchers have even claimed that they can learn true language and communicate on their own, rather than just repeating by rote sounds that are meaningless to them. In fact, some tribes in South America considered the parrot to be a sort of culture hero, responsible for stealing fire from the gods and giving it to humans, like another version of Prometheus." Lex stuck his cell phone in his pocket. "Can you unwrap that?" He gestured at the muffin Clark held.

"Awk, unwrap that," the parrot chanted.

Clark nodded, peeling the napkin away, and gave the muffin to Lex. Lex carefully balanced the coffee cup and the muffin in his right hand, then pulled off a small piece with his left and held it up to the parrot. The parrot grabbed at it, and Lex just barely pulled his fingers back in time as the bird's beak closed around the morsel and devoured it.

"Careful, Lex. That parrot just wants to give you sore fingers."

"I'll be fine. Matey's a good bird." Lex scratched the parrot on the top of the head as Clark stared warily.

"Awk, awk. Good bird, good bird." The parrot bobbed its head, throat clearing roughly. Lex laughed.

"I really should head home, though, and get this little guy settled in. We're still on for tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow, awk!"

"Of course." Clark watched bemusedly as Lex got into his car and pulled away with a squeal of tires. Then he headed back into the Talon to fill Chloe and Lana in on the news.

***

It took two days for Lex to get the call from his father. It was late in the evening, and he was going over the last of the reports he had to read for the next day, slowly working his way through a pile of papers and a glass of scotch when the phone rang. He glanced at the number, then sighed as he answered it.

"Yes, Dad?"

"Lex, I've been hearing some odd things from the plant workers about you and your new avian constant companion. Moving on from the Kent boy?"

"I should hope you know the word pet, Dad. It only has one syllable." Lex lazily tipped his glass back and forth, making the amber liquid inside twirl.

"But appearances are important, and I doubt having a bird on your shoulder will go over too well in the boardroom. Why are you doing this?"

"I just thought it was high time there was someone around who would always agree with me. Good night, Dad." Lex hung up and turned his cell phone off, then turned the ringer off on the office landline. He stood and slowly walked to the other side of the room, to where a large cage stood in front of the wall of books. "Isn't that right, Matey?"

"Awk. Aye, aye, sir, that's right!"


End file.
